I married a pig - the first confession

Yes, I am one of the many - I wake up every morning wondering if my other half will be home when he says he will, and when he does appear, will he have anything else to talk about other than himself and his tedious collegues and all those hysterical moments, where really you had to be there.
I know I'm one of the suffering many because of the numerous drunken moments at police weddings - by the way the worst being where two police officers marry each other - this is by no means an insult to the couple getting hitched but the dire fact that the reception hall is wall-to-wall jam packed full of jumped up, pissed up, jobsworth coppers. Getting back to my point-it is at these joyous occassions, that I find myself with a much needed double G&T , swaying by the bar, surrounded by a handful of equally tipsy other halves. As the other half we just don't get it. We can't laugh at their jokes or get involved in their idle chit chat. It seems that part of the passing out ceremony is a compulsory sense of humour bypass, this successfully ensures that all those outside of the job will never, ever get your jokes or funny little stories ever again. However, my very balding, slightly podgy round the waist hubby, with the occassional and very unattractive acne breakout suddenly and very strangely seems to be the funniest man alive to every female PC in the room. Are they really that desperate? Is it that they have drunk an equal amount of G&T to myself (and yet he is becoming ever more so repulsive to me) ? Does she need her eyes tested (No, she's only been in the job a few years she must have passed the eye test)? Give me strength, he thinks he is an adonis and she is surely taking the piss. What is wrong with these people? God, if you're out their help me - I married a pig!